Why Gilbert Hates Oysters and Anya
by Azrael's Library
Summary: Gilbert Beilschmidt doesn't know why Anya Braginskaya loves to bother him so much, but Fritz help him if he'd let her distract from his lunch. Too bad she's got a little something different in mind today. Prussia/Fem!Russia, Gakuen!AU
1. Chapter 1: Spice

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or any associated characters.

* * *

Gilbert groaned as he stretched while waiting in the line for the food truck. He looked up and saw Kiku looking expectant, which meant that it was finally his turn to order.

"Would you like to try the new garlic stir fry?" Kiku asked.

Gilbert stared at the label like it had the meaning of life hidden in the ingredient list. Kiku coughed after one minute had passed and the silver-haired boy shook his head.

"Uh, nah dude, just gimme the usual."

"What's wrong, Gilbert?," came a voice from behind him. "Can't handle garlic? I thought Vlad was the vampire." Vlad frowned at her from his place behind the food truck.

Gilbert turned around to glare at the voice's owner: his mortal enemy, the overly tall, pale, and smiley Anya Braginskaya. Gott, he hated her. And she loathed him, no matter what she claimed to the contrary. Why else would she bug him all the time?

"What's it to you, Brag? Got a problem? The awesome me eats whatever he wants!"

"Oh? But I think you should try something new," Anya replied, eyes glinting, "After all, you eat the same thing every day. You might enjoy a novel experience." She had leaned freakishly closer to Gilbert while saying this and she towered over him. Curse her extra three inches of height.

Gilbert moved toward her aggressively and retorted, "Why should I? Maybe I like eating the same thing."

"But I think you'd like something new."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Maybe I don't want to like it."

"But you'd like it if you tried it."

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

"Alright. You asked," Anya shrugged, with a creepy grin. She pulled him up and smacked her lips against his.

Well, holy shit.

Now, Gilbert knew that he was pretty cool in every possible way, but even he hadn't seen this coming. How was he supposed to guess that even Brag wasn't immune to his awesome charms? Damn creepy woman and her insistence.

Either way, knowing about it beforehand still wouldn't have prepared him for the shock that his mortal enemy was kissing him in the middle of the courtyard. And that he wasn't doing anything about it.

For the first ten seconds, at least. Because once he realized, Gilbert temporarily lost his senses. He opened his mouth like he was going to try to yell something at Anya. She took that as an invitation to use tongue. It wasn't a far-fetched conclusion on her part. Gilbert noted that she had recently eaten lunch, because her mouth definitely had a sauce taste. It was kinda nice, weirdly enough.

Anya pulled back and let Gilbert gain his footing. He glanced around for hidden cameras, because it sure felt like he was getting pranked. Looking back at Anya's face, he found that it looked just a little pinker. Was she seriously blushing? She was the one who had made that weird-ass move!

She still sounded calm when she spoke."See. If you try new things, you might like them."

Gilbert made a face. "What, that? I didn't like that! It was horrible!"

"But you were the one who opened your mouth, Да?"

Gilbert would have yelled in (minor) disagreement, but by now he realized that his mouth felt weird. Like, tingling and burning weird.

"Damn, did you gargle hot sauce before that surprise attack? My mouth fucking burns!"

"Nyet," Anya said, creepy grin back in full force, "just the new stir fry."

Gilbert went pale, then red. "Shit, what?! You dumbass, that has oyster sauce in it! I'm allergic to that crap! Are you trying to burn my lips off?"

"Oh. I did not-" Anya said, face paling. Gilbert was sneezing already, so he ignored whatever she tried to say and ran off to the health center to get allergy medicine.

Anya stood there for a moment until she felt a burning gaze behind her. She turned around to see Natalia standing there, and if it was possible, paled even more.

"Natalia," she laughed nervously, "how long were you watching here?"

"Sister," Natalia glared at Anya, "I thought I told you to stay away from him."

"Ehehe, right..." Anya stared at her half-sibling for a moment and made an executive decision to run in the opposite direction.

"Sister, wait!" the short blonde immediately ran after the taller one.

The remaining people in line looked at each other, the bathrooms, and the direction Anya and Natalia had just ran toward. Most of them promptly resumed their business, shaking their heads that the weirdness of their school.

On the sidelines, Francis Bonnefoy and Antonio Carriedo promptly burst into laughter. Gilbert was NEVER going to live this one down.

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A/N: ...Poor Gilbert never saw that coming. My apologies for any inaccuracies in the portrayal of allergies. I've got a follow-up chapter or two to this which I should be posting soon-ish, and they'll probably live up to the T rating a bit more. Feel free to leave a review if you liked it or have feedback. ~


	2. Chapter 2: Seed

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any associated characters or settings.

* * *

When Gilbert entered the health clinic, he wasn't all that surprised to see Lukas eyeing him from the admitting desk. Hell, Lukas was suspicious of the principal, so it wasn't surprising that he'd be wary of a Gilbert walking in to the clinic with half his face covered.

That's likely why it surprised Lukas when Gilbert just came to the desk and stood there.

"Do you need to see someone?" Gilbert cleared his throat with a strange croaking noise.

"Yeah. Like ASAP. Allergic reaction."

Lukas knocked on Dr. Karpusi's office and informed her of the situation. She said she'd see Gilbert right after she finished up with Jones, who had tried to prank Kirkland this morning and ended up with a black eye.

Lukas informed him that the doctor would be a few minutes. Gilbert wandered to the waiting area seats and flipped through a random comic. He didn't notice Francis and Antonio sneak up behind him until they both popped into the chairs next to him and snapped his surgical mask against his face.

"Ow, fuck!"

"Oh, poor Gilbert," Francis looked down at him and smirked, " So. How much does it hurt? Should I kiss it better?"

"Screw yourself, Frenchie." Antonio laughed.

"Oh come on Gil, we know you didn't seem to mind when Anya did it~." Gilbert snorted.

"Nope, you're both delusional."

"C'est bon. But tell me, how was the it?" Francis asked.

"Yeah, I never imagined Anya care to kiss anyone, especially you," Antonio wondered.

"Well I guess it was-HEY, what do you mean, especially me? I'm frickin' amazing!"

"Ah, well, I just meant-," but the doc's intern, Yao, cut him off and told him and Francis to stop crowding the waiting area if they didn't need anything.

Gilbert shot one last glare at his friends and followed Yao. After the intern did Gilbert's height and weight crap, the doctor finally came in and asked him why he was here. He showed her his face while explaining that he'd accidentally made contact with oyster (not mentioning HOW, of course). She gave him some antihistamines and warned him to be more cautious.

* * *

He walked back to his dorm, mask still on, attracting slightly more glances than usual. It wasn't a new thing. His awesomeness and pale hair were totally a winning combo.

Gilbert got into his room and, after checking that his roommate was out, took off the mask and examined his face in the bathroom mirror. Ha, the swelling was almost gone. Lucky that his allergy was mild. Another 15 minutes and he'd have his jawline back.

He was so getting revenge on that damn Russian Amazon.

Note to the awesome me: don't ever ask your mortal enemy to prove a point about trying new things until you ask them what they just ate. Better yet, just don't let your mortal enemy kiss you, no matter how tempting it is. No, not tempting. Gross. Yeah. Totally nasty.

Gott he needed to get a grip. He needed to get back at Anya for this weird shit she was pulling. Bleh, guess that meant it was time to text Francis and Toni.

G: "Hey. Frenchy and Dorkface. I wanna get Anya back for this"

F: "For accidentally kissing you into an allergic reaction?"

G: "...shut it. It's for embarrassing me in front of the entire courtyard lunch crowd. They're gonna remember that instead of my awesomeness for the next week at least"

F: "*sigh* Very well."

A: "Ah, bien. what's the plan?"

G: "Do you guys remember that one dye thing we were talking about?"

F: "Oui, but what do you want with that?"

G: "You'll see just get me some"

G: "Does anyone know where Anya lives?"

A: "Si! she's with Lovi, remember?"

G: "Perfect kesesese"

F: "I'm looking forward to tomorrow now. ;)"

A: "Me too :D"

Gilbert tossed his phone aside. Time to get the climbing ropes.

* * *

A/N: That took a bit longer than I expected. What sneaky prank does Gilbert have in mind? Tune in next time to find out!


End file.
